To stick with the theme of the blog, I can't believe I've become this person who is so emotionally torn about going back to work. I have literally known since kindergarten (I love you Ms. Owings, now Mrs. Rabe!!) that I would be an elementary school teacher. Not another career has ever crossed my mind (well briefly I wanted to be Katie Couric, not any old reporter, but just Katie Couric) since the first moment I stepped foot into the warmest classroom ever where the "Letter People" lurked just waiting for the magic wand (A construction paper star glued to the end of a ruler) to find them. That was it, I was in love, with a job. That has been my focus and passion these last 20 some years.
Until I met David and I discovered what true love meant...and then along came...
Audrey. I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed these last six months with her. It was a major decision that took lots of discussion on both David's and my part to decide to stay home for a semester to be with Audrey. We've both made HUGE sacrifices and have learned to pinch pennies (come on now folks, who out there ever thought Erin Fitz/Satterwhite would ever use the term "pinch pennies"?!?!) to make it work and it has been amazing. It has allowed me the time to bond with her and really focus on being the best mom possible. We have had so many adventures together. There are too many highlights in these last six months for me to describe. It really was the very best decision for our family.
I go back to work next Tuesday. To say that it's on my mind is a vast understatement. There are moments that I am thrilled and so excited to go back. And there are moments that I'm brokenhearted. And then I feel terribly guilty for feeling brokenhearted because hey, I'm lucky to have a job and I'm incredibly lucky to have a job I love! So mix together excitement, heartbreak, and guilt and you get someone that looks a lot like me.
To aid myself in staying with the "Positive Polly" or "Susie Sunshine" or "Laura Griffiths" outlook on life I'm going to make a list of pros:
1. I can't wait to see how far my students have come since last June and spend the rest of the year with them learning and growing. As many of you know, I'm a looping teacher which means I had my kids last year for first grade and will have them again when I return for the remainder of the year in second grade. So, it helps knowing all of the incredible kids and their wonderful families will be there when I return. They have had the world's most incredible sub while I've been out and I know they've grown leaps and bounds. When I have been in to visit they have been so sweet about asking "When are you coming back?????" and it's a promise I intend to keep.
2. I can't wait to see and spend time with all of my teacher friends. I have really missed the time each day spent together. Each of their names could be a point on the pros list. I work with the BEST STAFF EVER. Their laughter, advice, kindness, and generosity are why some of them are my very closest friends in the world.
3. Feeling productive. (Now I realize that the opposite can be inferred that I don't feel productive being at home. Not true- AT ALL. It's just a different type of productivity.)
4. Lunch. All of the world's problems are solved then. In our classroom, in our lives, and in other's lives that we watch on tv. We laugh, we cry...I love lunch. I love leftovers brought in from home to share, I love special lunch days, I even miss grilled cheese and tomato soup days. Those lunch ladies know how to make 'em!
5. Spring's special activities. To name a few: music concerts, Young Author's Night, Multi-Genre research projects, Fractured Fairy Tale plays, Field Day, etc, etc, etc.
6. I can't wait to get dressed for the day in something other than jeans, yoga pants, or jammies (who in their right minds would type that???). It has become a bit repetitive in the wardrobe department around here. Now, don't worry I haven't left the house in anything but a respectable outfit but there are days at home that begin and conclude in a yoga pants fashion.
7. Donut days and jeans days (I realize this conflicts with #6 but only Bowman babes would really understand). Fridays are just sort of magical in a school.
8. Snow days. And the anticipation of them. I think I like that even more than the actual snow day. I love checking the weather reports constantly the day and night before. I love instructing the kids on how to do their "snow dance" just so. And I love the sleepy morning calls between the staff alerting everyone to the good news.
9. A paycheck will be nice. I mean, let's be serious. Six months without pay isn't my most FAVORITE thing in the world.
10. The smell of crayons, sharpened pencils, old library books, warm copies, cutting laminating film- I'm weird. I love it. Feeling the scissors glide along...it's a teacher thing.
There is so much more I could write about and I could go into so much more detail about each of the bullet points, but I realize you've already dedicated enough time to reading my inane little blog and a top ten list is plenty.
I realize I'm not the first or the last mom to go back to work. Nor am I the first or last mom to struggle with it. I am lucky to be surrounded by supportive friends that have shown me that working AND being an amazing mom is doable! So, please send some good vibes my way and help me to trust that it really does all work out. Audrey will be in wonderful hands while I'm at school and we have many future adventures together that don't end just because I'm going back to work!
So until that time, I'm going to savor every last minute of my time at home with her and then put on the brave face and whistle, "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work I go...."
