Here we go again... I'm BAAAAAAAAACK! (said in a creepy Jack Nicholson voice ala "The Shining") I have decided to give this whole blogging thing a second chance. When one can't sleep, not due to a restless child, but because they're mind is racing, they blog.
Yes, it has been six months. The best six months of my life. The hardest six months of my life. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." name that literary quote and I'll give you, um a high five. Because frankly that's all I can afford at the moment.
We welcomed our baby girl into the world on July 10, 2011 and is has ROCKED our world. Our lives went from being 100% about us to 100% about a tiny little person (well let's be honest, I wouldn't describe our daughter as dainty said in the most loving fashion). The last six months have been indescribable. I have been blessed to have stayed home with our little lady during this time and have LOVED it. I will return to teaching in well, let's just ignore that for the time being and get on with the point of this blog...
The maternity blog I kept was to detail each week all of the progress and preparation for the baby to be! Sigh...how ignorant and deliriously clueless I was. Which, in reflection, is the only state for parents-to-be to be in!
Now that I've had a whole six months under my belt, I am CLEARLY an expert to this whole thing called parenting. Pause not. But I thought and was encouraged by others (ie my mother and other friends that tell you nice things but probably don't really mean them) that perhaps the world might enjoy some comic relief at my behalf. Or it can simply be ignored. Whichever works best for you.
The title of this blog is something I have said approximately 976 times since July 10, 2011. It is said in two tones. One is "How lucky I am to have become this person!!!!"tone. And the other, "How the hell did I become this person?!?!" The blog's emphasis will be on tone #2 because let's be honest you don't read about people's lives because they are picture perfect, you read them to commiserate, judge, and laugh at. The same reason we watch reality television, but I digress...
Below is a "top ten" list of evidence supporting "I can't believe I've become this person". The reflections in italics are from my former self. Yes, I have voices in my head. I mean, I started off the blog with a Jack Nicholson quote from the scariest movie of all times, what did you expect?
1. I described my delivery in detail for the world to read.
Sick, seriously? Who wants to read that? Apologies to those on the interweb whose eyes are scalded.
2. I sobbed while holding my infant daughter when "Christmas Canon" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra or better known as Pachelbel's "Canon in D" (aka the wedding song)came on Pandora because someday this daughter of mine would get married.
OMG. get a grip you crazy lady. she is a BABY and won't get married for a minimum (according to her father) of 30 years.
3. I shushed a table of 20 something girls while dining at a restaurant. In my defense: they were really drunk and REALLY obnoxious and it was a nice restaurant.
The shame, the SHAME! You hypocrite! That was literally you 7 years ago!!!
4. I post pictures and updates on facebook constantly about baby bean. CONSTANTLY. And in these pictures I caption them in the 3rd person and reference my husband and I as mommy and daddy.
GET A LIFE. NO ONE CARES. and caption them as an adult- baby language isn't cute in public.
5. I get formal pictures taken of our girl every 3 months. And post them. And frame them.
You literally judged others for this and made snarky comments behind their backs, and now you're one of them.
6. I have begun scrapbooking.
I can't even put into words the horror behind this statement.
7. I call the cops on loud neighbors that cause a ruckus at night.
You CANNOT be serious. Don't you remember how fun it is to be the last one at the bar and sit on a front porch and sing loudly? Or put for sale signs in other people's yards???
8. I find kid shrapnel in all of my belongings. Bottle lids in my purse. Headbands in my pocket. Socks in my laundry. Toys on our bed.
Ick, you're one of those?
9. As referenced above, I no longer sleep at night. And I have an amazing sleeping baby who requires 10-12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But, noooooooo I have too much on my mind like to do lists and fictional problems I've created in my head to obsess over.
You've turned into your mother. Take a Xanax and go to bed.
10. I can't imagine what my life was like before. It seems incomplete.
Seriously? Don't moms just say that? I mean your life was pretty incredible before...
So here we are...I've been ruined. By a bundle of love named Audrey.
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